- Minister: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
- Me: *starts tearing up* my anaconda do
LADY MACBETH skateboards across the hall
LADY MACBETH: king of jerking off maybe
once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”