• Minister: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
  • Me: *starts tearing up* my anaconda do
MACBETH: do you think I would make a good king
LADY MACBETH skateboards across the hall
LADY MACBETH: king of jerking off maybe

"Dirtbag Macbeth" (via stecklr)

drinklust:

once i got very drunk in a bar and my mum had to pick me up so i was trying to act normal by keeping the conversation so i asked her if shes a virgin and she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said “i wish i was”


stvincentmovie:

Bill Murray and Melissa McCarthy face off in St. Vincent - In select theaters Oct 10! - Official Site and Facebook

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